Wednesday, December 14, 2011

-13- On Finals

I don't know what stress is exactly, but it's what I should be feeling right now. My psychology final is tomorrow, and it's going to bite a big chunk of out of my gpa. I'd use some imagery right now, but it's not very funny. That aside, I guess not all is lost, I'm replacing my psychology grade with my child psychology next semester (watch me tank that... :<).  Anyway, the point is, some studying needs to be done.

Study strategies for passing finals (or not):

1) Eat vigorously and without restraint. Food helps you cope with the stress of impeding failure (better view the finals as a failure, that way you don't get your hopes up only to be let down). With a full stomach, you'll be less distracted and well padded so you'll feel more comfortable sitting in your chair. (10 points)

2) Think that you're going to fail, even if you're sure you will pass. When studying, with every fact that you see, pretend you'll never remember it and fuck up because of it. Basically you're using reverse psychology to trick your subconscious into thinking its so dumb that it gets insulted and steps its game up. (40 points)

3) Take a break every ten minutes to study again. Because if you think you're actually able of sitting down and studying, you're either really smart or full of it. Either way, refrain from spending too much time on facebook, reddit, and whatever other nonsense you spend time on, during these ten minute study breaks. This way your knowledge will be fresh in your mind, and easy to remember. (20 points)

4) Sabotage your classmates. If they all fail bad enough, then your final will be graded on a curve. Proceed with this by making them study for something that is not on the final, distracting them and making them spend too much time on facebook and etc. Target the smart ones; you can count on the dumbasses to fail on their own. This is a pretty reliable plan, but only do this once, because you'll lose credibility and everyone will hate you. (30 points)

5) Secret tactic. Get a close friend with a laptop to come with you to your class, and let him wait outside. During the final, when you're stuck, write the questions on your hand, go outside, and google all the answers. Come back and profit. Only proceed with this strategy if you sit in the back and your teacher is an idiot. (0-100)

That being said, good luck to everybody and don't rely on number 5 too much

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